i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
