it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
