his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
