Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
