Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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