i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
