the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
