Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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