i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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