your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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