If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize