ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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