before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
