So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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