hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
