Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
