AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
