they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
