My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
