So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
