My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dick very happy bro
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
