ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
