having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
