Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
