first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
