This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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