Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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