i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
