pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
