You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
