Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
