y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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