Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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