Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize