Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
