we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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