Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
