I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize