so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
