Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize