handjob tips. give me some.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
