imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
