Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
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