Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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