I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
