before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I won the penis lottery.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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