And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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