I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
