how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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