Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
