never play flip cup with pint glasses
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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