Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
