Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
