My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
