Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
