i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
