If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
