I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
