I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
