i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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