Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize