I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
