i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
