I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
