I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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