just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
