Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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