well you can't waste a boner
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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