I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
