Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
