You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Even my vagina gasped.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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